What's Missing?

So I brought my mac to work with the intention to write my cluttered thoughts during the 30-minute shuttle bus ride. I find and draw inspiration from open spaces, such as the sea, the sky or the field. This is my second week in my new and third employer with office situated at the far end of Singapore, in Tuas, where you would find lush of greens instead of the garden city's HDBs and skyscrapers. I love the pink and/or orange clouds caused by the sunset, reminds me of the African safari I see in pictures, and sparrows flying across the horizon. It brings calmness to my wearied soul.

My human battery has been draining consistently each time it hits around this time. It's probably the 4-hour-long trip to and from this journey to the center of the Earth, or I have no exercise, or I lack iron. Or plainly, I'm just uninspired and unmotivated.

I have a lovelife. And I have few real people who loves and cares for me. What is missing?

WW02: January Realizations

While January came overwhelming, holidays overhaul and the upcoming: commencement of serious work, stealing another 4 days aways from usual life, strictly-for-family time, a bit of something 'to confuse' me, and finally the grand send-off. I have realized:
1. how precious time is.
2. 13 days of not really working makes you invigorated to work again. somehow.
3. taxi ride at 1am or so's cozy dim light makes me happy and makes me wanna be in that limbo state forever.
4. i can't really mess up anyone, or, with anyone.
5. guilty of "Stop thinking you're not yet ready." And so I drag things. But there's perfect timing for everything, not too early before it's ripe, not too late before it rots.
6. and i love nanay.
"Anak no makakailiw ak ed sika lakapen ko lamay hug me ya pawit mo insan nakwal to may baka makakalek ak." - can't wait to be home, strictly family time. :)

WW43: Still In Limbo

Everyday feels like Monday Blues.  I've been reading Paulo Coelho and hitting up Google to find something that could inspire me again. I have too much things to do and too much things in my mind but I have not completed anything. I wanna rant about all things. But every morning while walking to office, I make sure to pray to God with gratitude. Ironic, but yes. I feel my life is going nowhere. And it's not exaggeration.

As early as today, I could feel Christmas air. I'm ecstatic. But still purposeless. Quarter life goes on and on. I wish it ends soon.

Monday Blues

Last 2 weeks of Sept will be jam-packed. It's a thing to look forward to. But airplanes and foreign lands and 3-night trips don't bring exhilaration anymore like it did a few years back. It used to be awesome *shit. The last plane ride felt like a mere routine of sitting my ass down. And while I'm ramping up to the important but not urgent, it's painfully, if not *fucking, steep. And self-helpers aren't helping. I'd always unfollow without thinking! I filter what goes into my head. Unless it's Coelho tweeting, I'd find myself relating, like the most recent, "Life is like cooking: before choosing what you love, try everything." Or this apocalyptic, skeptic, Mr. Holter's, "If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine, it's lethal."

Sounding ungrateful is my least intent. But I can't help it. In a word or three, I need challenge, as a mask to I am bored. Heh.

I probably really need Asia's Machu Picchu to refresh me.

*Denotes INTENSITY.

#QuarterLife #AndNoIDon'tDon'tHaveALovelife #AndNoIAmNotNotBusy

40 Degrees and Giving Myself A Break

For as long as I could remember and cared, it was the first time I hit up 40 degrees. To me that meant panic. I did self-medication rigorously taking Panadol, 500mg every 4 hours for 24 hours in hopes to make me feel better. Paracetamol failed me.

I finally had decided to take a walk to the clinic yesterday. 40 degrees and nauseating. Throwing up? That wasn't normal. I felt like I was about to collapse. If I could, I have hurried back to the doctor, grab his collar, tell him I was feeling horrible, and demand him to do something. I emptied an empty stomach right where I sat in the waiting line. Dirtied my mouth and hands and the small plastic with bitter Panadol-flavored saliva and probably intestinal fluids. I know it was disgusting. But I perspired and felt better after.

After my first intake of antibiotics, stronger dose than the previous 625mg prescribed to me last week, it was the first time in the longest time that I appreciate being well again. It was the first time that I appreciate prescriptions from physicians again - if I ever did appreciate that. And it was the first time that I appreciate someone actually taking care of me.

In 4 nights, I am relocating. Again. After a meager quarter. A lot of things have changed in a couple of months. My summer mess and madness was well, mess and madness. But I have to make a decision for myself now. Bestfriend may be right this time, give myself a break and stop swaying away attention. And maybe I did realize now that I also need to be taken cared of just as much as I am willing to give all my care.

Eat. Pray. Love. Or Maybe Not.

Not that I was moved by the film. In fact I find it, okaaay. So-so. I did love the idea of solo backpacks though. Food, language, strangers, the city, the suburbs, the culture, basically travel, all of those wrapped into one.

I am NOT unhappy like her. I am UNBEARABLY bored. And I want solo backpacks - not to find myself, BUT to get lost.

Unlike Liz, NO, I do not yearn to break free from the shackles of marriage, or for my case, relationship. Insane, but it's my partner who prods me to do so. Break free, try everything I want to do, get something as crazy as meaningless *** - IF I wish to. All I have to do, just let my sweet little are-you-fuckin-out-of-your-mind! bastard know.

This must be quarter-life.

La La La Childhood!

What's trending?

Change your facebook profile picture to a cartoon character from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until monday, Dec. 6, there should be no human faces on facebook, but an invasion of memories. =)

FOR THE FIGHT AGAINST CHILD VIOLENCE

It was fun to see people's profile pic turned into those fun kawaii colored caricatures. There was Super Boink, Magic Takure, Doraemon, Dragon Ball, PopEye, Lupin, the perv Crayon Shin-chan, Sailormoon, Sonic the hedgehog, Detective Conan, Looney Toons like Taz, Disney Productions like Lilo and Stitch and Pooh, Sanrio Friends, Yaiba, Belle and the rest of the Disney Princesses,  Ghost Fighter, ABS-CBN 10-10:30 cartoon series like Princess Sarah, among others! An absolutely pretty depiction of my happy childhood. Oh, I didn't see it, but, Superbook too! Writing this post makes me reminisce the happy kiddo watching days of Hunter X Hunter, Knight Hunter, Mary and The Secret Garden, Klaus, the heartbreaking Romeo, Nilo, and others I could hardly remember now!

But these! Oh these, I tell you. If I have to define my pre-teen and early teen life in cartoons, this picture is!